Home Again

I have to tell you, I’m really messed up. I never realized how much God wrecked me until I came back. An hour before I landed in Philadelphia I panicked because I did not want to go home. Daddy spoke beautiful gentle words over me and I rested in Him and continue to do so now. I feet no one understands what happened over there, it’s just God and me. If only He will use me to impart what Jesus did in Mozambique over here to His people in the U.S. In His presence all fear is gone, in His presence is where I belong.

Church was so weird today. I felt there was a lot of noise and emotions to stir the people up. I couldn’t move and could only be still in Him. I was stuck to the floor. During the alter call I prayed and prayed over people for God’s heart and that they would see how much they are loved. I don’t recognize myself here. I feel like a round ball trying to fit through a square hole. There is this tenderness in my heart and fearlessness that moves me in great ways I have never known. My body is here but my spirit is somewhere else, like I am overtaken by Jesus, abandoned to Him. It’s beautiful but it’s hard too, knowing we are not of this world.

As I’m back in America the same sin faces me again. I jump a little and think wow, what?! There is this strong desire to just hate sin and remove it. It’s no more apart of me. I’m the pure and spotless bride, beautiful and set apart for His glory and purposes that all may know my Daddy is a loving God.

Reverse culture shock is always difficult for me. It's strange how it's easier to go into a culture that is not your own than to go back to your original culture. Even though it's difficult to understand who I am in this culture I know I will find my place once again.